The Great Christmas Card Quest

I was ready this year. Totally determined to personally take a masterpiece of a photo for our family Christmas card. No depending on professional photographers this year - or paying for them, either. I was going to take a classic photo and save a little money at the same time - total win-win for SuperMommy!

I had it all planned out in my head - the girls in cute little matching red Christmas outfits, Santa hats on their heads, our two "royal" welsh corgis (hey, you try telling them they're not directly related to Queen Elizabeth's stable o' corgis) wearing their cute little elf hats with matching collars. All of them sitting like little angels in front of the fireplace, smiling happily.

I know what you're thinking, and you're right - I have been hitting the eggnog a little early this year.

Here's what actually happened (like you couldn't see this coming from a mile away)

• 9 a.m. - Get Princess Grace in her outfit, complete with shoes and Santa hat


• 9:10 - Finally convince Princess Elizabeth that wearing her favorite purple leotard, pink skirt and green bow wasn't really the look we were going for - she begins putting on the red Christmas outfit to match her sister, grumbling about how she'll put on the outfit, but she's not going to wear a Santa hat - she instead grabs one of her tiaras


• 9:11 - Princess Grace walks nekkid into Princess Elizabeth's room (Note: for a definition of the word nekkid, review this post)


• 9:15 - Get Princess Grace back into her clothes - one shoe is still missing, as is the Santa hat - find hat stuffed under dog bed - begin futile attempt to brush dog hair off of red Santa hat


• 9:20 - Get both girls into the bathroom to fix hair and arrange hats - girls begin smacking each other with hats - Princess E cries - Princess G giggles and hits her again


• 9:21 - Take hats away and decide to go with hair bows


• 9:22 - Chase Princess G, who has bolted (still giggling) at the mere suggestion of wearing a bow, around three bedrooms


• 9:25 - Get Princess G back in the bathroom and clip bow in hair - she immediately starts screaming that she wants Princess E's bow instead - Princess E says fine, she wants a tiara anyway, and throws her bow at Princess G


• 9:30 - Forget the bows and herd everyone downstairs - find Princess G's missing shoe on the way down the stairs


• 9:35 - Begin trying to put elf hats and collars on dogs


• 9:45 - Give up trying to put elf hats and collars on dogs


• 9:46 - Dogs begin eating elf hats and collars (corgis will eat anything - over the course of his 12-year life, our oldest, Elvis, has eaten a Duraflame log, a pound of fudge, drywall and a linoleum floor. As God is my witness.)


• 9:47 - Take hats and collars away from dogs - try to get them to sit in front of the girls


• 9:50 - Ask the princesses to put their arms around the dogs in an effort to get them to sit still - our big corgi, Winston (he looks like Churchill - seriously), begins dragging Princess G across the floor - Princess G begins screaming but refuses to let go


• 9:51 - Disengage Princess G from Winston - begin futile attempt to brush dog hair off red outfit


• 9:55 - Give up and decide to try to take photo outside, where it's sunny and 70 degrees (I know, completely weird weather)


• 9:56 - Remind princesses not to step off patio in their dress shoes to avoid dog poop


• 9:57 - Princess G runs off patio and steps in dog poop - Princess E wrinkles her nose in disgust and heads back into the house


• 9:58 - Begin trying to clean poop off shoe - Elvis wanders into yard and makes more poop


• 10 a.m. - Herd everyone back into house - pick up phone and call Target Portrait Studio to make appointment for Christmas card photos - while I'm on hold, Princess G wanders past me...nekkid