My Dad Has Cancer

Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, to be exact. His prognosis is very good - two to three months of chemotherapy, then a bone marrow biopsy and PET scan to make sure it hasn't spread. His doctors are very positive, as is he. My dad is otherwise healthy, exercises every day and eats well - heck, he's probably in better shape than I am. He took the news hard at first, but then he rallied, and now he's ready to get going ASAP and whip this thing.

My mom has researched the heck out of lymphoma (under better circumstances, I'm convinced my mother would have gone to medical school and been a fantastic doctor), found one of the best oncologists around to care for my dad, and has already started her compilation of notes from doctor visits, taken - as all her important notes are - in shorthand. (She may have been a better spy than doctor.) :-P

My 16-year-old sister (yes, she was a surprise baby!) is taking it in stride, wanting to go to all the doctor visits with Mom & Dad and stay on top of everything. (Yep, she's planning to go premed in college.)

I think I'm still in the stunned phase. I think it's just because this week was so completely overwhelming I'm just now starting to process things. Last Sunday I had to jump in on a massive and fast-moving new business pitch that dominated the first part of the week - lots of working day and night on this one. Monday afternoon came the news about my dad. Tuesday night Princess G began running a fever that would only get worse as the week progressed, resulting in no real sleep for several nights...which just makes your brain hurt.

Beyond hurting for my family, I'm hurting for my friends. One has just lost her mother. Another is about to lose her dad. Yet another is in a great deal of emotional pain - I don't know why, and she doesn't want to share yet. And another just tried again to reach a goal she's tried to make several times, and she didn't make it. There's so much pain going on around me right now, and I don't have arms big enough to hold everyone....and maybe that's the lesson God is trying to teach me. Humility is a difficult lesson, especially for someone whose usual M.O. is always to say, "I can do that!"

But I can't. I can't save my dad from the harsh reality of cancer, no matter how positive the diagnosis, or the pain of chemotherapy. I can't save my baby from fever and chills and sickness. I can't save my friends from the pain of losing their loved ones, or whatever is hurting them. All can really do is get down on my knees and pray to the One whose arms are big enough to hold us all - pray that my dad will continue to fight, that my mom and sister will be supportive and will ask for support when they need it, that my friends who are losing their parents will find peace, that my friend who can't talk about her pain yet will open up to God, if to no one else, to soothe her aching heart.

So I pray...and I cry...and I depend on my faith, which some people may think is stupid and naive, but which, at the end of the day, is really the only thing we truly have to hang onto in this hard, cold, imperfect world that sometimes seems as though it's spiraling out of control. It may be, but He is not - and when everything around me is swirling, all I can do is get on my knees and hang onto Him.

My dad has cancer - and whether on earth or in Heaven, he is going to be okay. Thank you, Lord, for that knowledge and that comfort. I pray that my other friends who are hurting so much will find that comfort, too.