Moo Moo Eeewww

OK, so I know a good portion of the Texas coast is rubble and the U.S. banking system appears to be on the verge of collapse and the really big news is that Lindsay Lohan thinks Sarah Palin is an idiot (BTW, media people? The day I give a flying rat's tush about Lindsay Lohan's opinions on hmmm, let's see, anything, is the day I need to be escorted to a padded room and sedated into oblivion for my own safety. Seriously, people - at this point, we're getting so far past stupid I'm thinking God should just throw in the towel and hit the restart button on this whole shindig).

Forget all that - let's talk pet peeves. Specifically, my pet peeves. 'Cause I'm just self-absorbed that way. Sue me.

I loathe chewing gum. Hate it with a passion. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I was never allowed to chew it when I was a child. Not only was it banned, but I was told each time I asked (because I was an annoyingly persistent kid - which today we just call "focused" but back then was labeled "obnoxious") that "little girls who chew gum look like cows chewing cud." I don't know if y'all have been up close and personal with a cow, but being a backwoods Arkansan (some would say trailer trash - but since I did not marry a relative, never raised any pigs or chickens in the house and still have all my teeth, I reject that particular label), I've seen many a cow chew cud. It ain't pretty, folks.

And, for a not-very-cute kid from the backwoods (I think the particular colloquialism assigned to me was, "Dang, that girl's been hit by the ugly stick one too many times.") I was desperate to avoid anything that was the least bit unattractive. Thus my aversion to chewing gum.

Of course, now Princess E wants to chew gum. Thinks it's the coolest thing in the world, especially when the beautiful, waaay cool, stylish, trendy six-year-old neighbor chews gum. Of course, I've been using the cow-cud analogy on her every time she asks, but it doesn't work as well when 1) the child is adorably cute; and 2) she hasn't gotten close enough to a cow to develop a particular cud aversion. So today, in a moment of weakness. when Miss Waaay Cool from next door offers Princess E a stick of gum, she asks again (yes, she's "focused") if she can have some, and I actually said okay. You would think I'd have taken her to the toy section at Target and said, "See this aisle of Barbies? They're all yours." She was in heaven.

I, on the other hand, just tried to busy myself with housework in different room from the Princess and avoid the gum chewing altogether. But then we had to tackle her homework - and I couldn't avoid her anymore.

It was like the story about the heart of a murder victim buried under the house still beating in the ears of the murderer, who is slowly driven insane by the sound. I stood it for as long as I could, I swear. It's not like she was smacking it or being unduly obnoxious with it. She was just chewing it. And it was just gross. Seriously, I got nauseous.

But, to my credit (yes, someone give me a cookie. Now.), I didn't snap and snatch the offending stuff out of the Princess' mouth, nor did I make her spit it out after a screaming match over her desire to keep it. I got sneaky about it. It was snack time, and of course she couldn't eat my freshly made brownies with gum in her mouth, now could she? Heh heh. The gum had to go, but with a square of chocolate heaven to appease her, Princess E was happy. And, I survived yet another day without a heavy dose of antipsychotics.

Anyone got a cow for hire? I need to schedule some aversion therapy for the Princesses before that neighbor chick visits again.