But They Look So Sweet...

They are darling, aren't they? Such sweet little faces, such beautiful inquisitive spirits.

But that's their public face...a very clever and diabolical cover they've invented.

Their true personas only come out around Mom, and the truth they're hiding is scary enough to make your hair stand on end - or at least make your nose glow a little.

The horrifying secret I've learned - after only a couple of weeks into the summer - is this. In the privacy and security of their home, they're WILD, SCREAMING, WHINING, FAIRNESS-CRUSADING, TOSS-ANY-MANNERS-MOM-HAS-TRIED-TO-TEACH, PUSH-YOUR-SISTER-INTO-A-WALL-IF-SHE-BUGS-YOU BANSHEES.

Think I'm exaggerating? Lying? In need of stronger meds? (You'd be right, but still.) People of the jury, I give you Exhibit A: This Morning's Activities

• Wake up
• Whine about who got their chocolate milk first and in what cup
• Argue over whether to watch PBS or Noggin
• Shove each other off the bed
• Try to block the other from being the first down the stairs
• Get mad at the dog for getting fed up with the fight on the stairs and going around them to technically be the first down the stairs
• Argue about who gets the breakfast plates out of the cabinet
• Argue about who gets to say prayers first (I'm sure God is most thrilled about this one)
• Get mad when Mom chooses one to go first, whine about how unfair the world is and stick out tongue
• Whine over said tongue insult
• Start trading insults over the breakfast table - "You're a baby!" "You're a poopy-head!"
• Trip over the dog while getting up from the breakfast table to go hit alleged poopy-headed sister. Get mad at sister for obviously conspiring with said dog to deliberately arrange the tripping. Sit on the floor and cry.
• Stomp over to the "thinking stair" when Mom orders both there for timeout.
• Start shoving each other and fighting over who gets to be on what step.
• Pout and stomp up the stairs when Mom moves alleged poopy-headed sister to the landing in an effort to stop the stair territory battle.
• Quietly crawl up the stairs and taunt alleged poopy-headed sister by singing the theme song from "Willie Wonka" (actually only the small portion of the chorus that is known) until...
• Said sister snaps and "accidentally" pushes taunting sister down the stairs, resulting in a goose egg on the head and a cancellation of the day's planned visit to the pool.

It's gonna be a long summer, isn't it?