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I love Hannah Montana - really I do. It's a sweet show - nice kids, great dad, good wholesome values, yada yada. Miley Cyrus is a talented singer - not great in the acting department, but she's cute - and her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, is a surprisingly good actor. And who can't love a show with Dolly Parton as the grandma? What a career trajectory that lady's had - from the madam in Best Little Whorehouse in Texas to a Disney grandma - if she can pull that off, Vanessa Hudgens has nothing to worry about.
(Side note to Hollywood starlets, 'cause I know y'all read this blog. Apparently your mamas didn't teach you this, so here goes: Keep your drawers on. This is not a hard concept. You step out of the shower, you put your panties on - and then you leave them on until you go to bed. At that point, if you want to shuck 'em and sleep nekkid, hey, it's a free country. Just check to make sure the yahoo you're sleeping next to doesn't have a camera or cell phone in the room. And don't give me that "he loves me and would never show anyone those photos" spiel - if you don't want the entire population of China, your high school's football team and a couple of serial killers-in-training to see your nether regions, don't let anyone take pictures of them! Geesh.)
(Side side note: If you're not Southern, you're probably going to need the definition of "nekkid." My all-time favorite Southern humorist, Lewis Grizzard, defined it perfectly: "If you ain't got no clothes on, you're naked. If you ain't got no clothes on and you're doing something you shouldn't be doing, you're nekkid.")
But I digress. Here's the problem with Hannah Montana, Disney execs - YOU ONLY MADE FIVE FLIPPIN' EPISODES!!! And you keep rerunning them - over and over and over and over. Is this a test to see how much moms can take before we snap, rip off our clothes and run nekkid (see, now you know what it means - you feel smarter, don't you?) down our sidewalks 
screaming, "Bring back Billy Ray's mullet"? Are you trying to make us freak out and shoot our TVs so our children will beg us to buy the new Disney Princess TV/DVD player - in pink. (Seriously, what's left - pink Princess toilet paper?)
screaming, "Bring back Billy Ray's mullet"? Are you trying to make us freak out and shoot our TVs so our children will beg us to buy the new Disney Princess TV/DVD player - in pink. (Seriously, what's left - pink Princess toilet paper?)Disney, I love you. I'm a big supporter - we have as much Disney Princess stuff in our home as we can afford. Princess G is going to be Minnie Mouse for Halloween. We're about to drop several thousand bucks on a Disney World trip next week, and I'm sure we'll have the time of our lives. Please leave us long-suffering moms with a shred of perceived dignity.
Don't make me get nekkid.
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6 comments:
One of the funniest things I've read in a while--props! Count your blessings: soon enough you won't have to worry about getting nekkid in protest of no new episodes of Hannah Montana for the girls, you'll have to lecture the girls on getting (or not getting) nekkid in college! Good luck!
Lord have mercy, don't even say it! Are chastity belts for teenagers considered child abuse these days? Just considering all my options...
I cannot bear HM, or Raven, or those spoiled brat boys who live in the hotel. Gah. Bring back Looney Tunes and Hayley Mills.
Yep, I think you should write a book. We saw a show on disney cruises last night - looked so neat!
I'm so glad someone else out there has visibly voiced their opinion about liking Hannah Montana. I don't even have kids and I adore that show! I don't catch it often, and can only watch it in private - like on Saturday morning when my husband is still sleeping. I mean, I'm 25 years old for cripes sake! Why do I like this show?
I'm on the floor in pieces -- all cracked up! No to worry, legs crossed.
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