Cardboard's Looking Better and Better

Attention recall-weary American consumers - now that sacred cow, that staple of American diets - frozen pizza, for heaven's sake - could potentially kill you.

And not even a slow, artery-clogging death - I'm talking the quick, painful, and ewww-inducing E. coli.

I officially give up. I'm stocking my refrigerator with pinecones and leaves from my own backyard, and I'm giving my kids only sticks and rocks to play with - that'll get rid of those pesky lead-ridden toys (I always knew there was something sinister about those Cabbage Patch dolls.)

The upside - my new eating plan will definitely take care of my weight issue. Everything has a silver lining if you look hard enough. :-)