Guilty Pleasures

Given the hectic schedule the Royal Family has been keeping lately, I've been determined to make the holidays as relaxing as possible for all of us. (Yes, I know I'm delusional. And yes, the sky in my world is a lovely shade of fuchsia. With chocolate clouds and M&M rainbows. I never do anything halfway.)

Anywhoo, we've been sleeping late, watching fun movies, having tea parties, playing with Barbies and just generally being lazy. By "we" I of course mean me and the King. The Princesses have been fending for themselves - they're pretty resourceful when they need to be. Heh heh.

Seriously, though, I have managed to indulge in a few guilty pleasures amongst the multiple viewings of "Kung Fu Panda" and reenactments of Cinderella losing her glass slipper at the ball. I've been re-reading one of my favorite books, David Starkey's stellar biography of Elizabeth I. (Yes, I'm a big geeky anglophile, and I read Elizabethan history for fun. There's that fuchsia sky again.)

And, I've been catching up on TiVo'ed episodes of one of my favorite shows, A&E's "Intervention," which should be named "The 1,000+ Ways to Screw Up Your Kid So That They're Guaranteed to Need an Intervention." Given the backgrounds of most of the people featured on the show, I think I'd be amazed if they weren't addicted to something. It's the total train-wreck phenomenon - it's awful, but you can't look away. I think I need an intervention for "Intervention."

Or, maybe I just need to put down the remote and go host another tea party. Sleeping Beauty always needs a backup hostess for her parties - poor thing can't ever keep her eyes open.

The Christmas Countdown

Now that the giant stuff-fest we've labeled "Thanksgiving" has come and gone, we're in full swing for the Christmas season around our little fiefdom. Of course, that also means we're in "Princess E is about to be six!" mode as well, which this year involves a sleepover with not one, not two, but ten six-year-olds two weeks before Christmas.

Yes, I have officially lost my mind. Thanks for asking.

I'll be writing more about the Princess E Birthday Sleepover Extravaganza as it gets a little closer. I'm sure it'll be comedy blog nirvana. In the meantime, the decorations are up (I swear they multiply in storage like little rabbits every year), and we've got a December packed with great holiday celebrations. If you're in St. Louis and are looking for fun events that also help raise money for children's charities, here are a couple I highly recommend - and BTW, if you have any others to add to the list, shoot me a comment with all the details. Hope to see you out and about in December!

• Ranken Jordan Pediatric Specialty Hospital's "Shining Lights" event is Sunday, Dec. 7 from 2 - 5 p.m. Besides getting a beautiful family photo with Santa in an antique sleigh by an awesome local photographer, you also get a great look at this amazing hospital that does so much to help families heal after a devastating injury or accident. Tickets are $20 per family - try spending only a twenty on your family and having this much fun anywhere else in town.
• Forget mall shopping - hit the Ladue Chapel Nursery School Holiday Mart Thursday, Dec. 4 and Friday, Dec. 5 at Ladue Chapel Presbyterian Church. More than 40 vendors will be showing off all kinds of beautiful goodies, including children's artwork, jewelry and purses, and the kicker is that admission and parking is free. And, proceeds help support the preschool education programs at the Ladue Chapel Nursery School. Princess G isn't a student there, but I'm all for supporting high-quality preschool programs whenever possible. It's shopping for charity, ladies. Sounds like the best of both worlds to me!

I Am So Behind

I used to be a voracious reader. Growing up in the backwoods like I did (and, let's face it, being the classic nerd I was [is]), there really wasn't much else to do. I think I read everything in our tiny school's even tinier library several times over. My absolute favorites were the Laura Ingalls Wilder "Little House" books - I bet I could still quote whole sections from memory, and I have the memory of a kumquat.

So, I was interested to see how many of the books I'd read on the list below, courtesy of this STL blogger - and disappointed in myself for having read so few of them. I'm such a fan of memoirs and biographies, I've really let the whole fiction category go for a long time, so I'm way behind. And, now that the Princesses command center stage, it takes me months to get through one book. I'm hoping that eventually changes - it does, right? Please tell me it does.

Let me hear from you on the books you've read, as well as any "classics" you think have been left off this list. If you have a blog, copy, paste and bold those you have read, then italicize those you intend to read (as I've done below). If you don't have a blog, just give us the number of books on the list you've read.

Race you to the library.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (have tried multiple times - couldn't do it!)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (half of it - then the Princesses arrived)
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (okay, so not the whole thing - but quite a few)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien (see #2)
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma- Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (I tried, but I thought it was awful)
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility- Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I Got Nothin'

I've been silent lately, dear readers, because I'm all worded out. I'm pooped. I'm dang sick of typing, and I'm so brain-fried I've felt that I couldn't write something even remotely entertaining.

I've had back-to-back big ole' intensive writing projects at work. Since it's me and the Princesses on our own because our King is living at his job (for reasons he can't help, it's even worse than usual), if I don't get enough time to write during the two days I'm in the office (and I never, ever do), then I'm writing late at night after the Princesses put their bedazzled little noggins to bed. With almost no sleep over the past few days, I'm surviving on Coca-Cola and chocolate right now (I swear this latest project has added five pounds specifically to my tush).

So I guess this entry is just me whining. How pathetic. Let me get some sleep and get over myself. In the meantime, here's a quick cultural fix: check out BBC America - according to my latest Entertainment Weekly they've got digitally remastered versions of "Monty Python's Flying Circus" - love it. If you've never experienced Monty Python, check out one of my all-time favorite skits - the Dead Parrot Sketch. Enjoy!

The Really Important Stuff

There's lots of crazy things going on in the world these days - earthquakes, cyclones, tornadoes, gas prices, media coverage of the Democratic presidential race - and if I were the thoughtful, introspective intellectual I fancied myself in college turning out to be, I'd expound on any one of those topics next.

But who am I kidding? Let's just talk "American Idol," okay?

It's a train wreck I can't stop watching. Yes, it's sucking brain cells out of me every time I turn it on, but so is trying to reason with a two-year-old who's taken to shrieking and throwing things when she doesn't get what she wants. At this point, I've resigned myself to having the intelligence of a rutabaga by the time I'm 50 - why fight it by watching serious stuff?

Anyway, here's what I think:

I'm hoping David Cook wins, because he's the only one who might make me want to buy his music. Syesha Mercado has a great career ahead of her on Broadway - if I were her, I'd be on a plane to NYC ten seconds after Idol ditched me, which will probably happen tomorrow night.

Which brings me to poor, sad David Archuletta. This kid has a great voice but the personality of my left toe, probably because by all accounts his dad is the stage dad from hell. Even if he's not, the dad's just dang creepy - gives me the willies every time they pan to him in the audience.

Trust me on this - I'm an expert. I've dealt way too many times in my life with the ultimate stage moms - evil cheerleader/dance team moms. They are the spawns of Satan and should be destroyed. They're the reason I will never again judge a cheer or dance competition in the states of Texas or Kentucky. They're the reason I flat out refuse to coach a high school dance team ever again. I can spot those Beelzebubs-in-training a mile away - I'm tellin' ya, that Archuletta guy's totally one of Them.

If Archuletta wins, I guarantee you within five years he'll end up in court-appointed rehab after videos of him in a compromising position with a tub of potato salad, a Weedeater and a llama show up on YouTube. People, this is not going to end well. Do not give this poor child the Idol crown. Let him be gobbled up by the Disney machine and end up opening for the Jonas Brothers on their next tour and co-starring in Hillary Duff's new series - the Mouse will be good for him. I promise.

Unless, of course, Annie Leibovitz gets near him with her camera.

Movies That Make Me Laugh

Contrary to my intellectual veneer (:-P), I have a guilty pleasure that may shock you.

I love really funny movies.

Not just mere comedies. No pedigreed comedies like "Annie Hall" or "Dr. Strangelove" or even "Some Like It Hot" (although I do like the last two.)

I mean really goofy, silly movies that have no redeeming social value - they're just dang funny. I'm watching "Blazing Saddles" right now - one of my all-time favorites (I'm still trying to figure out why Alex Karras didn't get an Oscar nomination, or at least a heckuva steak dinner from Mel Brooks, for playing Mongo). I also love anything Monty Python (the "Every Sperm is Sacred" song from "The Meaning of Life" is a flippin' masterpiece), "Young Frankenstein" and "Airplane!" And I will drop everything to watch "A Fish Called Wanda" anytime it's on.

Anyone else have a guilty entertainment pleasure to confess?

Cultural Fix O' The Week

If you live in the St. Louis area, check out The Dave Glover Show on 97.1 FM 4-7 p.m. weekdays. His show is sometimes silly and slightly naughty at times, but always entertaining. I like Dave mostly because he seems like a guy you'd just like to kick back with a beer (if I liked beer - ick) and laugh over the all goofiness in the world. His rants on current events are priceless, and he loves highlighting some of the more ridiculous news items of the day.

In particular, once a month or so he has a segment called "The Priest and the Rabbi" where he discusses religion and takes calls from people asking all kinds of questions about religion. Dave, who openly admits to being a flawed Christian who's constantly trying to learn and understand what God commands of us and desires for us, asks a lot of great questions I've often pondered myself.

And, he's just dang funny. If you're not in St. Louis, you can listen to his show over the Web. Check him out and let me know if you like him!

Cultural Fix O' The Week

I love TV travel shows, especially since our big travel adventure for at least the next few years probably won't get more exotic than Silver Dollar City (I know, I'm whining - one of my more unattractive traits - sorry). Anyway, as far as travel shows go, Michael Palin does some of my favorites. He brings the perfect touch of ever-so-slightly Monty Pythonesque humor to the incredibly interesting people he meets, and the cinematography is gorgeous. His new show, Michael Palin's New Europe, is on the Travel Channel now at random times, so you'll have to check their site to get air dates. It's worth the effort - enjoy!

Cultural Fix O' The Week

Even if you're not particularly interested in history, promise me you'll at least check out "The Jewish Americans" on PBS. It's a thorough and enlightening documentary on not only the Jewish experience in America, but the innumerable positive contributions Jews have made to American innovation, business and culture.

I'm ashamed to say - and it's pretty unbelievable, I know - I was 16 years old before I met anyone who was Jewish or Catholic. (Say what you want about Bill Clinton, but he vastly improved the educational system in Arkansas while he was governor, including creating Governor's School, where I first began to meet people who weren't just like me. I hope for the opportunity to someday thank him for that and tell him how much that experience affected my life in the best possible way.)

Since then, I've been trying to supplement my sheltered life by learning about different religions and cultures, and this PBS show has definitely increased my knowledge of the Jewish experience in America. I've also been blessed to develop relationships with wonderful friends of different faiths and cultures who are infinitely patient with me and who love me despite my ignorance. Thanks, y'all - and thanks to PBS for putting this great program on the air.

Can't Help It - I Love It

Yep, I'm one of them...I'm an American Idol addict. So is Princess Elizabeth - she and I will be jumping in our jammies early tonight so we can snuggle in bed and watch the train wreck that is the Idol auditions roll.

Why do I love the auditions so? Maybe it's because I spent years watching high school dancers try out for "All Star" at dance camp - and had to resist the urge to go tell many of them afterward to, ahem, try bowling...a sentiment I'm sure Simon Cowell would like to share with some of the Idol auditioners.

I know, you're thinking I'm really cruel right now - but dude, you didn't see these girls dance. Eesh.

Look, there are some harsh realities of life we all have to learn sooner or later - Santa Claus is obviously exploiting those poor little elves and there's nothing we can do about it; chocolate will not make you break out but will give you a big butt; and we're not all good at everything.

I know - harsh...but true. Among the things I learned early on I'm really not good at: playing piano, in-line skating, memorizing anything, differential equations and resisting the urge to eat chocolate. Thank goodness there's no American Musical Mathematical Willpower Idol, or I might possibly have totally embarrassed myself on national TV by now.

Cultural Fix - Bonus Edition

Just saw the movie version of "Atonement" (I know - I saw a movie made by someone other than Pixar or Disney - it's a miracle) - loved it. Loved the story, loved the way they told the story...and loved James McAvoy. Wow. Obviously I'm not too old to...ahem...admire a handsome gentleman. Scottish, no less - be still my heart!

On a less visually entertaining but funny note, trust me on this one and check out "Miss America Reality Check" on TLC. I know, I thought the whole Miss America thing was dumb and outdated, too - and I thought this would be a train wreck...but they really are working these ladies over to get rid of that icky pageant hair and 10 lbs. of makeup and turn them into beautiful modern women. In the meantime, you really get a chance to see which ladies are nasty little pageant twits and which are genuine, intelligent women who actually deserve the crown...and believe it or not, there are a few in the mix. (And no, I'm not a bitter pageant hater - I actually was Southeast Arkansas Junior Miss way back in the day - so don't go bashing me for pageant-parsing.)

TLC, you've hooked me - I'm actually planning to watch the pageant for the first time in many years. Let's hope you succeed in tossing the cheese out with the pancake makeup and hairspray - just please promise me we won't see anyone baton twirling while singing "Ave Maria" and knitting a sweater for their talent routine. Or, if that's the case, please promise me you'll give the judges paint guns to try to shoot the chick off the stage - now that would be a talent competition. :-P

Cultural Fix O' The Week

If you haven't already, you've got to read the book Atonement by Ian McEwan. Press through the first few chapters, which in my opinion are a little (needlessly) dense, and keep reading. The last page will make you gasp out loud.

Also, I stayed up last night (because I just couldn't resist) to see all of Masterpiece Theatre's newest version of Jane Eyre. I'm sure it's gotten the movie treatment a dozen times over the years, but this one really caught my attention. If they run it again, check it out!

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out

I love Christmas movies - "White Christmas," "It's A Wonderful Life," "The Polar Express," etc. I'm a sucker for all of them. But, my favorite by far is "A Christmas Story."

I've always wondered why I love this goofy movie so dang much - I'm the crazy person who keeps the TV tuned to TNT watching the 24-hour marathon of "A Christmas Story" on Christmas - drives my family nuts. This Guideposts story, about the man who started A Christmas Story House & Museum in Cleveland after buying the actual house from the movie on eBay (and who also makes and sells the infamous "leg lamps" - apparently quite the popular item), does a much better job than I ever could of explaining the movie's allure. Deep down, it's about hope and faith that families can find happiness, even if you have to put on a few pink rabbit suits and cut off a few duck heads to get there.

Fa-ra-ra-ra-raaaa-ra-ra-ra-ra to y'all!

Cultural Fix 'O The Week

Why do I love Project Runway so dang much? I'm not fashionable, I can barely sew on a button, I have no artistic skills whatsoever, and I usually think that the winner has the ugliest clothes. (This won last time?! Seriously?) Maybe it's because I believe I'm seeing real talent and skill on a reality show - let's be honest, there's little of either on most of them. ("America's Got Talent"? Yeah, not so much.) Maybe it's because I think Tim Gunn is the most classically stylish man I've ever seen, and Heidi Klum seems like the only supermodel who's also a down-to-earth normal chick you could gossip with while kicked back in your living room with a glass of wine.

Whatever it is, the show rocks - Wednesdays at 9 p.m. Central on Bravo. Enjoy!

This Week's Cultural Fix

Brian Williams on SNL - hysterical. Barack Obama - not so much. Dude, you might have a better shot if you showed us a personality more exciting than my left shoe. Here's what you do - take Al Gore out for a beer and ask him which rehab program helped him find a personality after the 2000 election. You still might not win the nomination, but you'll have a head start on an Oscar, an Emmy and a Nobel Peace Prize.

Britney Spears - would be nice if we actually heard her sing on her new album. Wait, what am I saying?! Never mind, Britney, just keep synthesizing your voice to the nth degree and layering background vocals to drown you out - that's why we love you. That and your awesome parenting skills.

Bee Movie - haven't actually seen it yet, but because it's animated, there's no way I'll avoid it for long. Santa, here's what I want for Christmas - the opportunity to see a movie at the movie theater that actually has real people on the screen.

Oh, and I'd also like my tush from five years ago, a haircut and sleep. Santa's got a plastic surgeon on staff now, right?

Ah, Culture!

Brace yourselves...I've got big news. Really big.

I saw a movie...a non-animated movie. And not only a non-animated movie, but a foreign film with - gasp! - subtitles. I know - I think it's a sign of the apocalypse.

Now it wasn't a movie at an actual movie theater - that would just be too ridiculous for words. But, I did go over to a friend's house and - get this - her husband volunteered to play with all the kids (four princesses in all) while we watched a movie.

Yep, you read right, folks - the man actually kept the kiddos in the basement (mostly) for more than two hours with a combination of Cinderella III, fruit roll-ups and Candy Land. God bless Candy Land. And God bless my friend's dear husband - although I'm still wondering what she promised him in return for this amazing favor. I'm not asking, and I'm not letting my hubby ask either - he'd be breaking his neck to volunteer ASAP.

But I digress. The movie? Black Book. It was excellent - I give it three-and-a-half fried pickles (out of a possible four), but remember, the last three movies I saw before this were Ratatouille, Shrek III and High School Musical 2 (which was a four-pickle extravaganza, BTW). My taste in cinema could be a smidge skewed...but never, I assure you, my taste in fried pickles.

Go Big Or Go Home

Fair warning: I'm in a bad mood...seeing great opportunities thrown away ticks me off.

I just caught Britney Spears' "comeback" performance opening the MTV Video Music Awards - somebody help this child.

Granted, she could never sing, but she used to be able to entertain the heck out of a crowd - she was a great dancer, she was smart enough to surround herself with even better dancers, and most of her production numbers were fantastically choreographed. This VMA performance was supposed to jump-start her career, stalled by a few years of trashy weddings, back-to-back baby making, bad parenting, panty-missing escapades (seriously, what woman goes around commando, especially in a short skirt - eeewww!). If her publicist and agent thought they'd had to work hard to this point to salvage dear Brit's career, they were probably crying in the bathroom after her performance tonight, calling home frantically to say, "Please don't make me go out there and try to defend that!"

It was bad...BAD...BAAAADDDD. Horrible song, hideous outfit barely covering a terribly out-of-shape body, botched lip-synching - and the most tragic from my point of view - pathetic dancing. If you're going to get up on that stage in front of a worldwide audience, you better bring it - and clothe it in a designer outfit - and shake what yo mama gave ya.

(And no one whine to me about how rough Britney's had it lately - the chick makes $700,000 A MONTH - she can afford personal trainers, nutritionists, therapists, stylists and choreographers to attend to her every need, get her as healthy as possible, and help her find her spark again.)

Told you I was in a bad mood.

Anyway, maybe that's the problem - maybe, Britney, you need to get away from all the stuff that comes along with all that money - the possessions as well as the hangers-on who will tell you anything you want to hear as long as you pay them for it. Go home...go back down south to Louisiana...live quietly for a while...learn to parent your precious little boys...go find out why God has blessed you so much and why you're so determined to (consciously or subconsciously) destroy it all. Go find out what you really want, and then go after it - I mean really go after it.

And while you're at it, honey, find your panties.

A-List Celebrities, Beware

I'm going on a mini-vacation this weekend. This should strike fear in the hearts of major public figures everywhere.

Why? Because my vacations are death knells for celebs, that's why.

JFK, Jr. plunges into the Atlantic - I'm in Williamsburg, VA channeling Martha Washington.

Mo Gov. Mel Carnahan's plane goes down - I'm in Maui learning to shake what my mama gave me from a seriously hot hula instructor. (No disrespect to my too-cute Scotch-Irish hubby, but holy cow, Hawaiian men are gorgeous!)

Princess Diana crashes in Paris - I'm in Branson with my best friend Amy enjoying a girls' weekend.

Royals in particular should be concerned - Amy and I are doing another girls' weekend, this time at Tan-Tar-A. And yep, it's been ten years since we had a girls' weekend - when you kill off the world's most popular woman during your last one, you think twice before venturing out again.

Confession of the Day

I love High School Musical - love it. I could use the excuse that I have to watch it daily because the Princesses are addicted, but I'd be lying.

Anyone else planning a High School Musical 2 premiere party on Aug. 17?

Yeah, I know. You can't say I didn't warn you - I'm a long-term dork.