A Good Old-Fashioned Pity Party

Yep, I'm havin' one tonight.

Why? Because this was supposed to have been an Official Girls' Weekend. Not the little girls - the mommies-who-want-to-revert-to-silly-and-carefree-girls-for-48-precious-hours. I was supposed to be here this weekend, enjoying this spa and this shopping with some great girlfriends.

Ah, the best laid plans - so often thrown awry by my dear (and I use that term ever so loosely in this instance) King. Unfortunately, my long-planned Official Girls' Weekend coincided with his last weekend at a job that's been great to him for the past 13 years, but has made six- and seven-day weeks, with weekends a given for working, the norm.

He's found another great job with a great company that (gasp!) has normal working hours. (Note: the adjustment by all of us to this "normal" schedule will no doubt result in some...ahem...amusing posts over the next few weeks. [i.e. AAGGHH! He's at home on the weekends; now what the heck do we do with him?]) But, before he starts this great new job, his old one had to get one more weekend (i.e. pound of flesh) out of him. Which meant that my Official Girls' Weekend went out the freakin' window.

So, my friends are whoopin' it up in the Big B, enjoying spa treatments, bargain-hunting and meals without cutting up someone else's food. And I'm here. At home. Negotiating the Princesses' latest battle over who gets to sing what part in which Hannah Montana song and cleaning up the dog's latest "I'm ticked 'cause you didn't feed me exactly at 8 p.m. so I'm gonna poop in your office" present. (Side note: Why didn't one of you take pity on me and send me earplugs - or a new, non-deranged dog - for Christmas? Yeah, I see how you are. Ungrateful lurkers.)

Once I got the Princesses to declare a bedtime truce and threw the dog out into the street (oh, I'm kidding. I let him back in after a few hours.), I totally indulged my pity party with a hot bath, a viewing of "Dr. Zhivago" and as many M&Ms as I could suck in. Do I feel better? A little. Do I feel fatter? Definitely. Am I going to make sure the King has the next Official Girls' Weekend on his calendar in blood (whose blood is TBD)? Oh yeah.

Party Like A (38-Year-Old) Rock Star

I had a ridiculously awesome birthday yesterday. I can't say thank you enough to everyone who made it great. In a nutshell, I:

• woke up and went downstairs to find roses, streamers and balloons on the kitchen table;
• found my email and Facebook page loaded with birthday wishes - what sweet people y'all are!
• got a great 80-minute massage at this spa (thanks to a couple of gift certificates from wonderful people);
• got my annual "Happy Birthday" phone call from my mom precisely at 10:46 a.m. (can't wait to do this to the Princesses - aka "my alarm clock babies" when they're in college - at 12:20 a.m. and 3:11 a.m. respectively. Hee hee.)
• had a lovely lunch with the always entertaining Nancy - and had this dessert;
• picked up a great new book;
• took said book to the pool and kicked back under a big umbrella for a couple of hours of reading (and a short but highly satisfying catnap);
• went home and sacked out on the couch until the Princesses and my personal Prince Charming came in - without a doubt the best way to wake up;
• ate a massive cheeseburger personally (and perfectly) prepared by the Prince;
• topped that off with a large piece of Maggie's Mud cake; then
• had the Princesses roll me upstairs to bed, where the Prince rubbed my feet until I went to sleep - and then he went down and cleaned the kitchen. And didn't want noogie afterward.

Ah, it's good to be the Queen.

Quit Yer Whining

So last time I blogged, I whined about how much I'd been working and how totally pooped I was.

What a wuss.

Yeah, it was a tough week - from my perspective. But what God often likes to slap me upside the head with is reminders of how blessed I really am and how my "tough week" doesn't even touch what some people are going through.

Our friends John and Lucy tried for years to have a second child. They were thrilled to find out they were expecting and due around July 4th. But, Lucy went into labor early and delivered little Izabela Roza by emergency c-section at 33 weeks on May 10. Four days later, Izabela was transferred to St. Louis Children's Hospital. She's still there, continuing to receive treatment for a serious brain bleed. You can learn more about Izabela and see photos of this beautiful baby here.

Please join me in praying for Izabela and her family - and if you are part of a prayer network or group, please ask them to pray as well. And please support the March of Dimes in their efforts to find the reasons for and the methods of reducing the number of premature births - they are skyrocketing in the U.S. for reasons that are still unclear.

I'll also be (once again) praying for what I seem to regularly lose - perspective. It's a good thing that God is very patient, or he would have gotten sick of me a long time ago.

My Dad Has Cancer

Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, to be exact. His prognosis is very good - two to three months of chemotherapy, then a bone marrow biopsy and PET scan to make sure it hasn't spread. His doctors are very positive, as is he. My dad is otherwise healthy, exercises every day and eats well - heck, he's probably in better shape than I am. He took the news hard at first, but then he rallied, and now he's ready to get going ASAP and whip this thing.

My mom has researched the heck out of lymphoma (under better circumstances, I'm convinced my mother would have gone to medical school and been a fantastic doctor), found one of the best oncologists around to care for my dad, and has already started her compilation of notes from doctor visits, taken - as all her important notes are - in shorthand. (She may have been a better spy than doctor.) :-P

My 16-year-old sister (yes, she was a surprise baby!) is taking it in stride, wanting to go to all the doctor visits with Mom & Dad and stay on top of everything. (Yep, she's planning to go premed in college.)

I think I'm still in the stunned phase. I think it's just because this week was so completely overwhelming I'm just now starting to process things. Last Sunday I had to jump in on a massive and fast-moving new business pitch that dominated the first part of the week - lots of working day and night on this one. Monday afternoon came the news about my dad. Tuesday night Princess G began running a fever that would only get worse as the week progressed, resulting in no real sleep for several nights...which just makes your brain hurt.

Beyond hurting for my family, I'm hurting for my friends. One has just lost her mother. Another is about to lose her dad. Yet another is in a great deal of emotional pain - I don't know why, and she doesn't want to share yet. And another just tried again to reach a goal she's tried to make several times, and she didn't make it. There's so much pain going on around me right now, and I don't have arms big enough to hold everyone....and maybe that's the lesson God is trying to teach me. Humility is a difficult lesson, especially for someone whose usual M.O. is always to say, "I can do that!"

But I can't. I can't save my dad from the harsh reality of cancer, no matter how positive the diagnosis, or the pain of chemotherapy. I can't save my baby from fever and chills and sickness. I can't save my friends from the pain of losing their loved ones, or whatever is hurting them. All can really do is get down on my knees and pray to the One whose arms are big enough to hold us all - pray that my dad will continue to fight, that my mom and sister will be supportive and will ask for support when they need it, that my friends who are losing their parents will find peace, that my friend who can't talk about her pain yet will open up to God, if to no one else, to soothe her aching heart.

So I pray...and I cry...and I depend on my faith, which some people may think is stupid and naive, but which, at the end of the day, is really the only thing we truly have to hang onto in this hard, cold, imperfect world that sometimes seems as though it's spiraling out of control. It may be, but He is not - and when everything around me is swirling, all I can do is get on my knees and hang onto Him.

My dad has cancer - and whether on earth or in Heaven, he is going to be okay. Thank you, Lord, for that knowledge and that comfort. I pray that my other friends who are hurting so much will find that comfort, too.

I'm Baaaaack!

Hello dear readers! I am so, so excited to be back with you - and I'm feeling like a new woman! Why such a radical change in just two weeks? Prayer - and the power of the blogosphere. I thank God for pointing me to Sarcastic Mom's blog - in particular, the entry on her struggle with deep depression caused by Ortho-Tri-Cyclen (a version of the Pill). It hit me like a thunderbolt when I read it - it was exactly what I'd been experiencing since switching recently to Ortho-Tri-Cyclen.

Let me say up front I'm a huge proponent of the Pill - took Triphasil for almost 10 years before having Princess #1 and relied on a different version of the Pill in between #1 and #2. I did struggle with mild depression and anxiety while on it, but it was manageable.

After finishing breastfeeding Princess Grace in November 2006, I went back on the Pill, but I've had to bounce around several different kinds because no matter what kind I tried, I had breakthrough bleeding every month (sorry if this is TMI, but I want to get my story out there in case someone else is experiencing the same). In January 2008, my doc put me on Ortho-Tri-Cyclen, and it was downhill from there. It wasn't just mild depression - it was I don't want to get out of bed, I don't care what I look like, I can't do anything, I'm a total failure depression - and it got worse by the day.

When I read Sarcastic Mom's post, I just broke down and cried. It all finally made total sense, and I was so relieved to have a potential solution - a way out of the hole in which I'd sunk. I stopped taking the drug immediately, and I seriously started to feel better within 24 hours. Two weeks after stopping, I feel like a new person, and I am so very grateful.

So, I'm back - and hopefully better than ever! Thanks so much to all of you for your prayers and kind thoughts. In particular, thank you to:

--my oldest and dearest friend Amy (can't believe you still love me after all these years - thank you for hanging in there!), for sending me a beautiful handwritten note;
--Susan, for offering me hugs;
--Julie D., for continuing to check on me; and
--Nancy, for being ready to stage an intervention if needed (or at least a Cher-worthy slap and a "Snap out of it!") :-P

I have the most marvelous friends in the world, and I thank God for each of you. I also thank Him for my blog readers - I've missed y'all, and I hope I'm coming back better than ever. Please keep reading - I'll try to make it worth your while.

And, check out Sarcastic Mom - she's smart, hysterically funny, and the weekly bare tushie photos of her little cutie make me laugh!

Pass This One To Friends With Pregnancy Complications

Just an FYI that hopefully will help someone: if you know someone who's experiencing pregnancy complications and/or premature birth, please pass along this link to Sidelines National Support Network. They match women needing support up with volunteers - by email or phone - who have experienced the very complications they're going through, and who get - I mean really get - the fear, frustration and sadness that pregnancy complications can bring.

I can personally vouch for the service - I had a Sidelines buddy while on bedrest for almost six months with Princess Elizabeth - and I'm now a volunteer. So please pass the info along - and if you've got a friend on bedrest, give her a call. Trust me, she needs it!

Honoring A Great Lady

Tonight I had dinner with one of my favorite people in the world - my friend Nancy. I've known her for more years than either of us care to admit (Nancy, we're not older, we're just more mature now!), and she's an honorary aunt to the Princesses, who adore her.

Unfortunately, I don't get to see her as much as I'd like, and that's entirely my fault. I get way too wound up in myself and my often inane busy-bustling around, and I don't connect with Nancy (or any of my friends - Amy, Julie and Melissa T., you are so on this list) as much as I really want to. So, to help correct that big ole flaw in my character, I'm calling myself out here in "public" and vowing to change by not only paying more attention to the needs of my friends, but telling all of you how wonderful they are.

Nancy is hands down the strongest person I've ever met. She's had some seriously big rocks thrown at her in her lifetime, all trying hard to knock her down, but she's not budging. She's opinionated, independent and stubborn as heck - but she also has a heart of gold and will drop everything and come running when you need her. And I'm definitely not the only person who can say that - she's got a ton of friends and 30 years of high school students she taught about health, and about life, who could say the same thing. Nancy loves my children dearly, even when they're less than little angels, and I love her for that.

Thank you, Nancy, for being my friend and for sticking by me, even when I gave you so much less than what you needed or deserved. I promise to do better by you and our friendship - and I promise I'm working on your book!

Life Is Good

Had an absolutely marvelous time at Tan-Tar-A this weekend - ladies, if you don't already partake of a regularly scheduled girls' weekend, go do. Immediately.

After a massage, facial, great haircut, margaritas by the pool, great shopping, trashy magazine reading and extensive face stuffing, I feel like a totally new woman. The very best part, though, was just spending time with my oldest (not in years, just in time span!) and dearest friend, Amy. It's beyonde wonderful to spend uninterrupted time with someone who knows absolutely everything about me - and loves me anyway. There's no pretending to be more (fill in the blank: organized, ambitious, financially responsible, concerned about my fat thighs, sane, etc.) with Amy - I yam who I yam, and strangely enough, she still wants to spend time with me.

Thank you, Amy. You are a blessing from God - I love you dearly, I'm grateful to have you in my life ... and I hope you were able to sneak all those shopping bags into your house before your dear hubby noticed! :-)

Welcome to the 21st century

I've finally taken the plunge...I'm officially a blogger. My friend Marijean will be so proud!

Now what do I do? Oh, yeah...write. Be witty, but succinct. Sound intelligent, but not pretentious. Be entertaining, not annoying. And remember, anyone could read this:

• My co-workers at Standing Partnership - who I think already believe I'm way too opinionated and slightly...ahem...off. (Southernese alert: If you're not Southern, you may not recognize that "off" is our polite way of saying "just plain crazy.")
• My friends who blog - in particular the aforementioned Marijean (who's probably really regretting right about now that she ever encouraged me to blog) and Maria (who's also Southern and thus very forgiving of a fellow Belle - thank you, sweetie!).
• My peers in the public relations industry - this list is beginning to make me nervous.
• My family and friends - and since I cannot live without my mother's Thanksgiving Day stuffing, be assured that there will be no mom-bashing on this blog (love you, Mom!)
• Ex-boyfriends, high school divas, and college friends who all knew me when I was an incredible dork - and who mostly ditched me because I was such a dork.
• If our dear Lord Jesus doesn't finally throw in the towel anytime soon to come back and rescue us from the mess we humans have generally made of things, maybe even my little girls (who I'll ever-after in this blog refer to as Princess Elizabeth [the four-year-old] and Princess Grace [the two-year-old]) may someday read this. Girls, my dreams for you include happiness, peace and the need for only limited therapy after being raised by me.

Yeah...wow...okie-dokie...what a list. Uh, gonna go rethink this whole blog idea now over a very large bowl of something chocolate. If I get my courage up again, I'll try to waddle back soon.