Strange Things

Do you ever see something going on around you, or on TV, or in the world at large that makes you stop and say, "I just don't get it"? Lately, I swear I'm doing it more and more. I've always been a bit of an odd duck and generally out-of-step with my peers, so it could very well just be my duck bill trying to poke its head out again. Now I could go avail myself of intensive - and expensive - therapy sessions to figure out if I've developed new neuroses...but why would I do that when I have all of you kind enough to analyze me for free?

I love it when I'm practical.

Anywhoo, here's my "I just don't get it" list. If you do get it, please help me out and explain what I'm missing. If you're with me in "just don't get it" land, let me know so I don't feel quite so much like I should just quit threatening to become a hermit and actually do it.

• Tattoos - especially when a young, pre-baby woman gets one on her stomach. Ladies, I don't know if anyone has mentioned this, but when you get pregnant, this will not be very attractive. And after you've given birth, it's going to get really flabby. What started out near your bubbies is going to end up just north of your knees. So don't. Just...don't.


• "The Hills" - do we really want to encourage Speidi any further in their pursuit of stardom? I think not.


• Drinking alcohol specifically to get drunk - I've been puzzled about this one since high school (OK, college - because I was a nerd who never went/was invited to high school parties). Let me understand - you drink until you A) act like a giggling idiot; B) throw up on something; or C) pass out, usually in an undesirable location. Tell me again what part is fun?


• Why brussels sprouts are so good for you but taste so incredibly bad.


• Chewing gum. When I was little, my grandmother told me that little girls who chewed gum looked like cows chewing cud. She apparently scarred me for life. To this day, the thought of putting gum in my mouth makes me gag. And when Princess E wants to chew gum (on the rare occasions when someone else gives her a piece, 'cause y'all know I'm not buying it), I try to stay in another room while she chews so I don't have to hear her chewing it.

Yeah, that last one's probably just me, huh? Quack.

Oops...excuse me.

A Midsummer's Happy List

We've hit the halfway point to the summer, and I don't know about you, but we're having some serious fun in our little kingdom. Here's what's making us happy in the 'Lou this week - what's making your summer rock?

• The Saint Louis Zoo - OK, so I know my friend Nancy is not particularly happy with the zoo because of its decimated gorilla situation (Nancy is a gorilla fanatic - the Midwestern version of Dian Fossey. I fully expect to get a message from her one day saying she's off to Rwanda and may never return. When that happens, Nancy, may I have your big screen TV? Mwah - love you!). But, other than the gorillas, the STL Zoo is a great, educational, mostly free activity for families to enjoy (I say mostly free because while it's free admission, the parking fees, train and carousel rides and special attraction fees can add up). My personal favorite is Penguin & Puffin Coast - you can pretty much get nose-to-nose with the cute little buggers, and I swear they pose for photos. Seriously. Pull out your camera and see what happens.


• Our friends Dan & Sue Jenkins, who along with their too-cute kids Emma, Isaiah and Caleb, are preparing to move to Costa Rica to serve as missionaries for ReachGlobal. We had a wonderful sloppy burger cookout with the Jenkins family recently and heard the story of their journey-before-their-journey that led them to becoming missionaries and leading ReachGlobal's microenterprise efforts in Costa Rica. They still need help raising all of their salary and living expenses before they go - they're about 40 percent away from their goal, so please check out their blog to learn more, and please pray about giving to help their efforts.


• So You Think You Can Dance - need I say more?


• This book. Get it. Read it. Then pass it on. Everyone needs to read this book, then decide what they can personally do to get us back on track. We're all in this together, people. Let's make it happen!

Attack of the Three-Year-Old Diva

Ah, three-year-olds. I love 'em. One moment life is great, they're laughing and having fun. The next? A shrieking, wailing, kicking alien is writhing on the floor, incensed because you dared - dared - to put their juice in the monkey cup instead of the birdie cup.

Good times, people. Good times.

I'd love to say that Princess G never appears to have morphed into Reagan from "The Exorcist." She looks so angelic - wavy blond hair, big blue eyes, three dimples, a happy-go-lucky personality, well-developed comic timing and a wickedly funny sense of humor. (Note that I did not choose the word "wickedly" by chance.) Everyone tells us how adorable and sweet she is - and she is.

Sometimes. Usually the first 27 seconds after she wakes up. Then it gets ugly.

Case in point: a typical work/school morning. We're getting dressed, brushing teeth, doing hair, etc., and out of the blue, Princess G decides she doesn't want to wear shorts to school. She wanted to wear a skirt.

No, I don't think you understand. SHE WANTED TO WEAR A SKIRT. WHAT PART OF THAT IS CONFUSING, YOU DIMWITTED EXCUSE FOR AN ADULT?!!

Yeah, I didn't quite get the intensity of her desire on first blush. However, about 30 minutes into her 45-minute crying, screaming, Tasmanian devil rant around the house, I started to catch on. (I pride myself on my intuitiveness as a mother.)

There was naked ranting at one point (on her part). There was hiding in the laundry room banging heads against the wall at another point (on my part). There was the thinking stair. There was the taking away of the next gymnastics lesson. There was the banishment of the favorite toy to the top of the refrigerator. There was the threat of taking her to school in her pajamas. There was even the threat of taking her to school naked. (It was late. She had stripped. I was desperate. Like you wouldn't think about it, too.)

Thankfully, there was no yelling (on my part - at least until I was in the car alone later). And, there was no giving in. Finally, there was acquiescence. Shorts were on. Noses were blown. Tears were wiped (those were mine). And we finally made it to school. Completely clothed - both of us. And I finally made it to work. Where I twitched in a corner for the next hour.

There's five months to go until we hit four. I think strong pharmaceuticals may be in order. Or at least one naked trip somewhere. (On my part. I can't guarantee rational thinking if I have to hear that shriek again.)